Being a mom

I have been a mom for almost 27 years.  I raised my 3 babies single handedly for over 10 years. (Yes my parents helped when I would let them & when I wasn't paying attention).  Those were the best years for my children & I.  Then I tried letting their dad back in our lives.  That didn't work.  Then I tried a step dad that I thought was going to be a good example of a father & of teaching my kids the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Again, fail.  Was I the best mom or was I a bad mom?  Or was I a mom trying everything she could to raise her children right, keep them safe, happy & healthy?  Did I try to give them the best opportunities, lead them to try new & different things to keep active in school and enjoy their growing up years?  Did I handle every situation perfectly?  Could I have done some things differently?  If you have to make a choice of keeping your children safe or happy which do you choose?  What is making your child in their mind happy isn't always safe.  When do you stop it?  I looked for a "raising your child" manual that was specific for each child & the situations they got in to ; to know how to handle each one correctly.  (You can't treat each child the same, what works for one doesn't work for another).  I saw a quote recently that I love.  It goes... "A good parent will sometimes question rather they are a good parent and the choices they have made for their child, a bad parent simply doesn't care enough about their child to question themselves".  Based on that I must be a perfect parent.  I still second guess myself, it's very hard for me to let go.  When my kids make choices that scare me I wonder what I could have done differently to make them make a better choice.  I do know that they have there own agency to choose for themselves but it's hard to watch when you can see what the outcome is most likely going to be.  I recently have learned that unsolicited advice is NOT welcome.  I now will wait for my children to come to me.  I hope they remember how very much I love them & that even though I may not like some of there choices I still LOVE them.  They are my everything!!!  I will ALWAYS be here for them no matter how what.  I will never be the "perfect" parent but, I will always love them unconditionally.

Been awhile

Clearly I started this 3 years ago.  In the last 3 years @Wade & I got married, moved from Ogden to Salt Lake.  @Nate came home from prison & is such an amazing young man.  He has a good job, cute girlfriend, his apt and has his head on tighter then the rest of us.
@Wade has gotten a 2nd job which concerns me greatly.  I'm afraid that it will take a night toll on his health.  He was put on oxygen several months ago and doesn't use it as he should.  I have recently convinced him to at least use it again when he sleeps.  I try to get him to take his high cholesterol pills & vitamins daily.  I love him with all my heart and want him with me here on earth for a very very long time!
I just had my ankle fused for the second time in a year & am unable to leave the house alone.  I spend way too much thinking about life.